Girl Talk: Queen of the Roundtable
Why Can't I Have a Husband?
by Victoria Regina Lockhart
Photograph by: Jerri Noble (noblej@gwm.sc.edu)
For some reason, I emphatically believed, that my life would never be fulfilled without a husband. And I say, husband, because it was my belief that I was just supposed to skip all the preliminaries and just have a husband, (sort of like the Cascade commercial, the one where the young man just graduated from college and would like to proceed directly to retirement, that commercial is hilarious - big ups to the creative genius who came up with the idea).
I spent endless nights crying before the Lord - Lord, I’ve given my life to you and I’m truly living for you now, you know my heart is yours - why can’t I have a husband? It seems when a man is saved several months later you bless him with a wife, Why? Why? Why? Why? (My, Lord). The Lord just allowed me to babble away and He never replied until I got all that yucky -- I want, what I want guck out of my system (many, many years later). There was one night in particular (sometime in 1992); I went before Dad with an attitude about this husband thing - that was it! I wanted to comprehend why now that I am in your care, saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost why I can’t be loved by one of your finest men of God? (what I now know to be a ‘Kingdom Man”) and believe me I had a major attitude with God that night. I asked him “ why can’t I have a husband”? I declare to you my right hand was lifted and smacked me in my own face!!! I will never forget that night as long as I live and I never asked Dad that question again (with an attitude).
I was totally and completely in love with that husband word. All the while, I had no idea what a husband really was or supposed to represent in my life. I never had a real male role model in my life, except my mother. I’m not being facetious but Lottie Mae was Mommy and Daddy. And single mommas back then, didn’t play - no holds bar on the motherhood role. I never had a real relationship with my biological father, Frederick Pollard (may his soul rest in peace - deceased in 1992) therefore, what was I looking for? And how could I find what I had never known?
